EXCHANGE AND MART
 
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I've a page and a half of that song 'Nancy Lee'
A rusty old lock that hasn't a key
A packet of seeds of (I think) mignonette
A hoop that belonged to a cheap croquet set
A receipt (of my Aunt's) for a blacking of boots
Some exceedingly hardy and choice groundsel-roots
A comforter, (blue wool) that 'ran' in the wash
And a sticky and leaky light-drab mackintosh.
Now, a sacrifice I am quite ready to make
For these valauble things I am willing to take;
A brass parrot cage that is perfectly new
A gold English watch (with a gold Albert too)
A club set of tennis, (the very best make)
A fifty inch bicycle, (plated, with brake)
A handsome desert-service, (Dresden, of course)
A small waggonette with a fine chestnut horse
A seal skin jacket that reaches the feet
And a rose-wood, red plush covered drawing-room suite.

I've a 'Guide to Jamaica' (new, sixpence it cost)
A set of bone chessmen, (the pawns are all lost)
A watering can that is riddled with holes
A scoop with no handle, I once used for coals
The rim of the lens of a toy-telescope
Some tinfoil that wrapped up a cake of 'Pears' soap
The clearest directions for knitting warm socks
And, (the barrel is missing) a musical box.
Now, a sacrifice I am quite ready to make
For these valauble things I am willing to take;
A chandelier, (five lights, with globes and glass drops)
An American Organ with twenty-four stops
A mastiff with kennel, a black Kerry cow
A dozen 'spade' guineas, the latest steam-plough
The complete works of Ruskin, a cedar canoe
A fiddle _ Amati, (a copy won't do)
A trunk, (solid leather, both roomy and strong)
And a picture by Leighton, or Millais, or Long.

I've a few orange pips that, if planted, may sprout
A carbuncle-scarf-pin, (the stones fallen out)
A sweet Gipsy-tabel, thats minus two legs
A splendid assortment of bad silkworm's eggs
Some carrot jam, (home made, remarkably fine)
A gallon of crusty, old cucumber wine
A farthing that's stamped with the head of our Queen
And two gloves, (both for right hand, one brown and one green)
Now, a sacrifice I am quite ready to make
For these valauble things I am willing to take;
A sewing-machine that can 'gather' and 'quilt'
Six fruit spoons, (four large and two small, silver-gilt)
A nice quiet donkey to draw a bath-chair
A real 'Turkey' carpet_ say eighteen feet square
The Freehold of seventy acres of land
A piano by 'Broadwood', (it must be a Grand)
A billiard table by 'Burroughes and Watts'
And a couple of fast-sailing, thirty-ton yachts.
 
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Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923)
 
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