FATHER, MOTHER AND AN APPLE
 
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My Father met my Mother in a very funny way
He dropped across her coming from the sweet-stuff-shop one day
She had an apple in her hand, I think it was the right
Father winked at Mother, then she let him have a bite
They courted one another for a long, long time
Those two had lots of fun
They saved up all their money, and when they'd got enough
The clergyman he rolled them into one.

Chorus: Father and Mother fell in love with one another
Mother had an apple and let him have a bite
I've just been and bought one, it looks so jolly fine
So I want someone to have a bite at mine.


My Mother always says that if you want to please a man
The best way is to 'kid' him', and to coax him if you can
And if you've got a fancy that you'd like to be his wife
Mind and keep his 'tummy' full, and he'll be yours for life
You've heard of Mr Adam and his wife I'm sure
Well, I think she was smart
She picked some fruit and fed him, which only goes to prove
She knew the quickest way to Adam's heart.

Chorus:

My Father told my Mother in my hearing yesterday
He loved her just the same as when as kids they used to play
They both were in the parlour - it's a good job I'm so small
I was in the corner, so, of course, I heard it all
They snoozled and canoodled, and the dear old girl
Around his neck she clung
And father seemed to like it - he whispered in her ear
'I can't forget the days when I was young.'

Chorus:
 
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Words and music by Fred Murray & Fred W. Leigh - 1901
Performed by Vesta Victoria (1874-1951)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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