FATHER TRIED IT ON
 
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Father always looked upon the brightest side of things,
He had a pal - a jeweller, who deals in diamond rings,
Pa called upon 'im yesterday, the jeweller said, "John,
I've got the finest diamond ring you ever gazed upon."

Chorus: And Father tried it on, then gave a gentle cough;
For now it's like me fathers dear old smile, it won't come off!
And Father tried it on, then gave a gentle cough;
For now it's like me fathers dear old smile, it won't come off!

Father is a man, you know, with wonderful ideas,
And when he gets a decent one, he studies it for years;
My mother bought a mackeral, 'wasn't fit to give the cat,
Said father, 'When it speaks it's mind, we'll put a stop to that!'

Chorus: Well father tried it on and did it very well,
He cut it's nose right off and said, "Now, it cannot smell!"
Well father tried it on and did it very well,
He cut it's nose right off and said, "Now, it cannot smell!"

Father likes some whiskey, but he likes hot water too,
Ma won't let 'im have it, so I told 'him what to do,
Said I, "Tell 'er you bought y'self a razor and a pot,
And when y'need t'shave of course the water must be 'ot!"

Chorus: So Father tried it on, and very strange to say,
He should be clean, for now 'e's shavin' forty times a day!
So Father tried it on, and very strange to say,
He should be clean, for now 'e's shavin' forty times a day!


Father went into a billiard room without a sou,
Some fellow said he'd show a trick that no-one else could do,
He put a ball inside his mouth then said he'd bet a 'bob'
That no-one else could do the trick... but Pa was on the job.

Chorus: So Father tried it on, he did without a doubt,
But they had to draw my father's teeth before they got it out!
So Father tried it on, he did without a doubt,
But they had to draw my father's teeth before they got it out!

 
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Performed by George Formby Sr. (1877-1921)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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