FEMININE MOODS AND TENSES
 
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When in the near vicinity of any femininity
It's marvellous to note the 'moods and tenses' she'll display
It's first 'I will' and then 'I won't' and then 'Oh do' and then 'Oh don't.'
Sweet woman is as changeable as any April day
Just see her in a milliner's, she's come to chose a hat
'Oh yes, these toques are all 'the go' this year
Don't you think it's too big, rather? Wear it back a little farther?
Now do you really think it suits me, dear?'

Chorus: Woman dear, her moods are rather queer
She often adds a bit to man's expenses
And their hubbies simple ninnies
Buy a hat that costs six guineas
Just to gratify sweet woman's moods and tenses.


A couple who are newly-wed, who've been both well and truly wed
Are going off, by train de lux, upon their honeymoon
She's of the shy and dimpled sort, whilst he is of the simple sort
So he looks down, and she looks down, and neither tries to spoon
She taps her foot impatiently, when near the journey's end
Then bounces up, and says, 'You silly dunce
Well, you are a noodle, really, passed through twenty tunnels, nearly
And you never had the pluck to kiss me once.

Chorus: Woman dear, her moods are rather queer
When man's too shy, her anger most immense is
Into words of passion carried
'Might as well have not got married'
Boys, when you wed, study woman's moods and tenses.


A woman's mood is curious, not far removed from furious
When hubby dear stays at his club till four o' clock one morn
'My word! you are a pretty sight, a nice thing! keep me up all night
Don't talk to me' Apologies she treats with haughty scorn
'What say? Been playing baccarat? Oh, yes, no doubt you have
You'll play no more such games on me, that's flat
I've no doubt you think it's funny, my word, what a lot of money
Oh Charley, did you really win all that?'

Chorus: Woman dear, her moods are rather queer
And L.S.D restores her scattered senses
'Fifty pounds for me! Oh Charley, well, you are a darling- really
That's the way to humour Woman's moods and senses.


When children vex and flurry her, and household duties worry her
A wife and mother isn't always, p'r'aps, seen at her best
Can't always use a happy word, but may drop many a snappy word
Repented, soon as uttered, were the candid truth confessed
'I wish I'd never had you' to the children she will say
When through the din and noise her head swims round
But, let the clouds of sickness gather o'er these children, or their father
The ever by their sick-bed she is found.

Chorus: Woman dear, her moods are rather queer
But, Ah her love abiding and immense is
Through hours of sickness lonely,
She will nurse them - and she only
That is one of Woman's noblest moods and tenses.
 
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Written and composed by J. P. Harrington & George Le Brunn - 1901)
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
 
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