One day I went a-fishing and I caught a little fish
So small you couldn’t see it as it lay upon the dish
My wife she was so proud of me she told a lady friend;
Now that was the beginning, you just listen to the end.

Of course I was a hero in my wife’s adoring eyes
So she told her friend I’d caught a fish of quite a decent size,
That friend she told her husband Mr. Jones had caught a fish
So big it wasn’t possible to get it on a dish.

The husband told another man who went and told his wife
That Jones had caught the biggest fish he’d heard of in his life,
It weighed just over forty pound and ere the day was done
That fish had gone on growing till it weighed about a ton!

Another man who heard it told a certain Mr. Brown
Who added to the yarn and sent if further round the town,
And next day Mrs Smith was heard delivering a tale
Of how I’d gone a-fishing and had caught a kind of whale.

The next report was furnished by a certain Mrs. Clark
Who said that Mr. Jones had had a struggle with a shark,
She thought he got the best of it but wasn’t very sure,
She knew that he was injured though not quite beyond all cure!

The lady Mrs. Clark had told went home that very night
And told her husband Mr. Jones had had an awful fight
With some enormous monster with a kind of dragon’s head,
The fish was doing very well but Mr. Jones was dead.

The husband wrote a letter, sent it to the Daily Mail,
And told with graphic details this extraordinary tale,
And much to my astonishment ere many days were past
I read that the sea-serpent had been found by me at last!

They said I’d yielded up my life in science’ noble cause,
That by my pluck and courage I had gained a world’s applause;
It further was suggested and approved that there should be
A pension for my widow and a monument for me.

The money simply rolled in so unto my wife I said
‘My dear I really think it pays me better to be dead;
If a living out of dying to obtain we can contrive,
It isn’t worth the trouble to convince ‘em I’m alive!’

I went abroad and hid myself behind a borrowed name,
While wifie raked the money in as token of my fame;
They stuck a little lighthouse up to point where I had died,
And people came to look at it from countries far and wide.

One day it was reported that my widow’d gone abroad,
And was married to the cousin of her former worthy lord;
Now who that cousin really was I hardly need explain,
My widow thus became my wife and here we are again!

Which only goes to show you that the little fish are sweet,
They’re big enough to talk about though maybe not to eat;
So all you ardent anglers, the best that I can wish
Is may your luck be good as mine in catching little fish.
Written and performed by Lawrence Hanray
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