THE FUN OF THE FAIR
 
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Have you ever seen a fair? In the frolic had a share?
If you haven't, start at once, you will grin for eighteen months...
Hear them whistle, sing and laugh, dance and tumble, yell and chaff
Smells of sawdust, cakes and beer, float together in the air
They start at early morning, and keep it up all night
The sheets and pillows scorning, the Fairs all hearts delight
While tents and booths they're fixing, let's take a look around
Queer freaks and fashions mixing in plenty can be found.
There the fat girl may be seen, forty stone and sweet sixteen
Next door is a man so thin, gas-pipes he can wriggle in
Body benders they have lots, tying legs and arms in knots
Bearded ladies, wrestling bears, make this quite the fair of fairs

Chorus: Hi! walk up, walk up, walk up and see the fair
Hi! no waiting, waiting, waiting - take your share
Hi! one penny's all they charge you anywhere
Hi! walk up, walk up, walk up and see the fair.

'Come inside' say one, 'And see my world famous menagerie
Now's the lions dinner time - eating up live gee-gees prime.'
Cannibals are next on show, chewing glass and lighted tow
Fairies dancing for their lives - men who swallow swords and knives
A girl in spangles walking on rope stretched in the air
And Punch and Judy talking in squeaky tones just near
A hundred organs grinding a hundred different tunes
A thousand children finding sweet joy in air balloons
Heaps to eat and lots to drink, pretty girls to flirt and wink
Roundabouts with wooden mokes, microbe-killing penny smokes
Thimble-rigging gents are there, yokel-catching ev'rywhere
Old men, babies, beauties, frights, all are there to see the sights

Chorus:

There are sharpers cool as ice, offer all a throw of dice
Gamblers come with money hot, very soon lose all the lot
Sharper grins and gambler swears - curses loaded dice at fairs
While he tries some purse to steal, wife and children want a meal
This singing booth let's enter, and watch a turn or two
That lady in the centre is looking rather blue
Her husband's eyes are gazing upon a Coryphee
A storm the wife is raising, the deuce there'll be to pay
Kisses, misses, boys and girls - grey hair, red hair, golden curls
Side shows, peep shows, motley clown, in and out and up and down
Rags and tatters, satin, silk, gin and oysters, buns and milk
Fun and riot, noise and blare, Ev'rything's found at the fair.

Chorus:

 
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Performed by Florence Smithson (1885-1936)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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