THAT FUNNY LITTLE BOB-TAILED COAT
 
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I'm a jolly fellow, yes a family sort of man,
Daniel is my proper name, but people call me Dan,
And I have to stand a lot of chipping, always having jeers,
'Cos I've worn this funny coat of mine for four and twenty years ;
I've been offered such a lot of money down,
If I'd leave it to the town as a relic of renown,
And the candle manufacturers, they want to boil it down,
I can hear the people saying as they pass me with a frown:

Chorus: 'Dan, Dan, Dan, you're a dandy little Dan,
With your saucy umberella, you're a funny little man,
Same old trousers, same old tile,
Same old whiskers, same old dial ;
Same old collar and the old red tie,
Bobbin' up and down around yer throat,
You do look a guy, you're a proper old pie,
In that funny little bob tail coat.'

I thought I'd take a ramble by the Thames one afternoon,
And there I found it interesting very, very soon;
I saw a dredger working, it was scooping up the mud,
So I counted all the buckets, and I must have been a dud;
I counted eighty one and then fell in the soup,
Well, I must have looped the loop, 'cos I come up in the scoop,
When someone shouted, 'Take him home and put him in his coop.'

Chorus: 'Dan, Dan, Dan, you're a dandy little Dan,
With your saucy umberella, you're a funny little man,
Same old trousers, same old tile,
Same old whiskers, same old dial ;
When I got home, it was mother's washing day,
To clean, my chances were remote,
Before I'd time to stop her, well she bunged me in the copper

In my funny, little bob tail coat'

At the Brewers' Exhibition, I was looking at the show,
It made me very thirsty, and I soon got in the know;
I was very busy sampling; everybody's beer,
And when I couldn't drink no more, I poured it in my ear;
I stuffed whiskey, then I had a go at rum,
Then I filled my tummy tum just as tight as any drum,
When a copper collared hold of me, I acted deaf and dumb,
Then he took me for a lunatic, and said, 'You've got to come.'

Chorus: 'Dan, Dan, Dan, you're a dandy little Dan,
With your saucy umberella, you're a funny little man,
Same old trousers, same old tile,
Same old whiskers, same old dial ;
Early in the morning I was up before the beak,
And the news, it very quickly got afloat,
Tho' I never paid admission, I had half the Exhibition,
In my funny Httle bob tail coat.'

I went up the river catching salmon in the stream.
And Oh! it was a perfect spot, in fact, a perfect dream.
I couldn't see nobody walking up and down the shore,
So I thought I'd take a wash, a thing I'd never done before,
When I took my clobber off, I sat upon a bee,
I said, 'What a silly bee, you'll get no honey out of me,'
Some boys were coming home from school, they pinched my toggery,

Chorus: 'Dan, Dan, Dan, you're a dandy little Dan,
With your saucy umberella, you're a funny little man,
Same old trousers, same old tile,
Same old whiskers, same old dial;
I made a fuss and shouted, 'Aint yer coming back?'
As they pulled away together in a boat,
I looked a funny fellow, when I 'wore' my umberella,
And my funny little bob tail coat.'

 
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Written & composed by Harry Champion, Robert Gorman, and Tom Lowen - 1907
Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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