Adam and Eve were simple in their way
Like a little pair of kittens, so they say
Wore nothing but their skins
From their heads down to their shins
And walked around the garden all the day
Though strangers to each other at the start
They began to love each other bye and bye
And ever since that day
The devil has been to pay
Such funny things are done upon the sly
So if you'll lend me your attention for a while
To amuse you a little I will try
I'll not detain you long
And I'll tell you in my song
Some funny things they do upon the sly.

There's a pretty little maiden, full of gush
She's pretty but her head is soft as mush
Of course she's got a 'mash'
With a very sick moustache
On thirty bob a week he's very flush
He flirts with every pretty miss
And gives each one a sugar-coated kiss
Says 'Goodbye at the gate
It's getting rather late'
But to meet another girl it is his wish
He takes her to a party or a Ball
He tells her that he'll wed her bye and bye
But the neighbours wink and say
In a very knowing way
'Some funny things are done upon the sly.'

There's a slavey who pretends to be devout
Who every other night wants to go out
'To a meeting' she will say
But it's always to the Play
With a fellow who will stand her bottled stout
There's the lonely widow, smiling very sweet
Who dresses very charmingly and sweet
In company it's the plan
When addressed by a man
To blush from her eyebrows to her feet
But let her catch a 'jay' when he's alone
He'll find her not so bashful or so shy
That's laid upon the shelf
You know how 'tis yourself
Such funny things are done upon the sly.

There's a parson who's supposed to be so good
Do wrong, you'd really think he never could
But now and then we read
Of some very funny deed
That a parson's done, but which he never should
There's the stiff old maid, who likes to fume and boil
She's been made so long, she's very apt to spoil
Secretly she'll plan
To try and trap a man
She's equal to a dose of castor oil
If she could grab a man and lock him up
When not another living soul was nigh
She'd take away his breath
She'd squeeze the man to death
Such funny things are done upon the sly.

There's the bachelor who looks so very slow
As if unto a goose he can't say Bo!
But though he looks so shy
He can wink a wicked eye
And it's not worth knowing what he doesn't know
And the married man who goes around at night
On the spree and then goes home so jolly tight
Says he was at the lodge
When a poker he will dodge
His wife gets out of bed and wants a fight
She suspects that he's been out with the girls
There's a hair upon his coat, he can't deny
It's a pretty piece of 'biz'
But you know how it is
Such funny things are done upon the sly.
Written and composed by G.W. Hunter & John Cooke Junior - 1885
Performed by G.W. Hunter (1851-1936)
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