FUNNY WITHOUT BEING VULGAR
 
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I am told that you can't get a good comic song
Which is funny without being vulgar;
Though lion comiques conscientiously long
To be funny without being vulgar.
Great authors say this state of things they deplore,
To the papers long letters they write by the score,
Which sensible people consider a bore –
They are funny without being vulgar.

I was told by the man who composed this sweet lay,
It was funny, without being vulgar.
There was nothing suggestive, or out of the way,
He was funny, without being vulgar.
What's more he declared none could make a complaint,
As the subject was good and the moral was quaint,
And as for the tune it was fit for a saint,
It was funny, without being vulgar.

I once had a row with a man in the street,
It was funny, without being vulgar.
He took off his hat and said ‘Sir, you're a cheat,'
It was funny, without being vulgar.
I hit him a back-handed blow on the cheek,
A magistrate fined me ‘ten bob or a week,'
And now when I meet him the language we speak
Is funny, without being vulgar.

Gen'ral servants will soon be a thing of the past,
They're funny, without being vulgar.
They play the piano, and read and write fast,
They're funny, without being vulgar.
They're better than ‘missus,' call master a ‘lout,'
Can flourish their French and their German about,
And will stay on condition the work is put hout,
They're funny, without being vulgar.

I once had a dip in the beautiful sea,
That's funny, without being vulgar.
I thought I would bathe from the beach, it was free,
That's funny, without being vulgar.
A man stole my clothes, which was paltry indeed,
I had to cut home at the top of my speed,
In a costume consisting of bits of sea-weed.
That's funny, without being vulgar.

May fair ladies smoke? is the question to-day,
That's funny, without being vulgar.
I've ask'd the dear girls, and they all of ‘em say,
‘Twould be funny, without being vulgar.
How nice it will be, my dear pipe-loving sirs,
When you run short of ‘baccy,' which often occurs,
All you'll do is to run to your wife and sneak hers,
That's funny, without being vulgar.

Last week I went out in a cab for a ride,
That's funny, without being vulgar.
I swaggered a little on getting inside,
Which was funny, without being vulgar.
I put out my head and said ‘Cabby, stop here!'
I gave him a bob which he took with a sneer,
And the way that he wished me ‘A Happy New Year,'
It was funny, without being vulgar.

I once took a part in a beautiful play,
Which was funny, without being vulgar.
The piece was produced at a gay Matinée,
It was funny, without being vulgar.
‘Twas not a success, I am bound to admit,
The only one person who did make it a hit,
Was a gent with a brick at the back of the pit,
He was funny, without being vulgar.
 
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Written and composed by Harry Brett & Charles Ingle - 1891
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
 
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