GERMS
 
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In these days of indigestion, which it is often time to question
As to what to eat and what you leave alone
For each microbe and bacillus has a different way to kill us
And in time they'll always claim us for their own
There are germs of every kind, in any food that you can find
In the market or upon the bill of fare
Drinking water's just as risky as the so called deadly whiskey
And it's often a mistake to breathe the air.

Chorus: Some little germ is going to find you some day
Some little germ will creep behind you some day
Then he'll send for his germ friends
And all your earthly trouble ends
Some little germ is going to get you some day.


Take a slice of nice fried onion and you're fit for Doctor Munnion
Apple dumplings kill you quicker than a train
Chew a cheery midnight rabbit and a grave you'll soon inhabit
Ah, to eat at all is such a foolish game
Eating plum and apple pie is quite a pleasing way to die
While sour-kraut brings on softening of the brain
But when you eat banana fritters, every undertaker titters
The coffin maker laughs himself insane.

Chorus: Some little germ is going to find you some day
Some little germ will creep behind you one day
Eating juicy sliced pineapple
Makes the Sexton dust the chapel
Some little germ is going to get you some day.


All these crazy foods they mix, will float us across the river Styx
Or they'll start us sliding up the milky way
And the meal we eat in courses, mean a hearse and two black horses
So before a meal some people always pray
Luscious grapes bring appendicitis and the juice leads to gastritis
So there's only death to greet us either way
And fried liver's nice but mind you, friends will soon ride slow behind you
And the papers then will have nice things to say.

Chorus: Some little germ is going to find you some day
Some little germ will creep behind you one day
Eat a plate of nice hot curry
Then to Golders Green you'll hurry
Some little germ is going to get you some day.
 
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Performed by Alfred Lester (1872-1925)
 
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