THE GIRL GOT OFF AT CLAPHAM
 
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I love to see a girl arrayed in bloomers striking
You know, those sort of railway stripes when she goes out a-biking
A lady one fine day, biked through a green lane shady
Some yokels, working in a field, they shouted at the lady
And when they said, 'There's limbs' she felt she'd like to slap 'em
A flock of sheep got in her way, and the girl got off at Clapham.

Last Summer by the sea, I saw a lovely creature
She didn't know the way to swim, I felt I'd like to teach her
The pretty lady she was fat and fair and forty
And when she ventured in the brine, the boys said, 'Naughty, naughty.'
When she went in the sea, up came a stern inspector
He said, 'You just get out of there.' She'd forgot her chest protector.

I went upon the ice to have a skate last Winter
At cutting 'eights' when on my skates, I'm certainly a sprinter
A lady on the bank who saw the way I guided
My feet, you see, imagined she could do the same as I did
When she went on the ice she caused a great sensation
Her heels went up and she went down, and she showd her indignation.

A pair got wed one day, then hurried to the station
To take the train de-lux to France, mid general jubilation
To have a parting drink, the silly bridegroom waited
He had so many parting drinks that he got obfusticated
That bridegroom was an ass. That's all I know about him
He quite forgot the honey-moon. So the bride had hers without him.
 
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Performed by Little Tich (1867-1928)
 
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