I'll sing you a song with a moral, about
An elderly masher who was, without doubt,
Quite old enough better behaviour to know,
Than after the girls galivanting to go.
One night a young damsel he met at a bar,
Who bet, two to one, she could smoke a cigar,
Old Jones at first sight with that girl, fell in love,
Said he to himself, 'What a pet, what a dove!'

Chorus: The girl was young and pretty, the masher was grey and old,
The 'tart' was bright and witty but the man had lots of gold;
So she twisted him round her finger, for the old boy he was gay,
She went like this and she went like that and she stole his heart away.

This knowing young miss at old Jones threw a wink,
Whilst he to himself was beginning to think,
'If in conversation with her I could get,
The most of my chances I'd make you a bet!'
He coughed and he hemmed but to speak felt too queer,
When the damsel turned round and said, 'Hello, old dear!'
He stuttered and stammered out, 'How do you do?'
She said, 'Quite well, thanks, how the dickens are you?'


Said Jones, 'It's too late by yourself Miss, to roam,
Permit me the pleasure of seeing you home!'
Said she, 'If I do promise never to blab;
My Ma's sitting up for me, please call a cab.'
The cabby enquired as to where he should go,
And was told by the charmer, 'Bank Street, Pimlico.'
Said she, 'The street corner dear, please pull up at,
I'll see if indoors, there's a chance for a chat.'


She tripped from the cab and was soon out of sight,
(Old Jones, at his luck, chuckled fast with delight.)
The minutes seemed hours, while he waited out there,
The blissful return of the damsel so fair.
Impatient at last, learn the time he would fain,
But suddenly missed his fine gold watch and chain.
And never since then, you can take it from me,
Eithe watch, chain or damsel did Jones ever see.

Written composed and performed by Charles Chaplin (1864-1901)
From Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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