THE GIRL WITH THE PARALYTIC WINK
 
Edie Ross
 

There was once a dainty maiden, quite the sweetest thing on Earth,
But she'd got a little paralytic wink,
'Twas a very sad affliction, it had haunted her from birth,
Had that naughty little paralytic wink.
Every plan she'd tried to cur it but, alas without avail,
On physicians she had spent no end of chink;
And although a perfect lady,
Most sedate and virtuous,
With some fellow's wife or sweetheart
She was always in a fuss,
Through that naughty, little paralytic wink.

Chorus: But you couldn't blame the girl, the poor, dear girl,
She was born with that terrible wink,
And you couldn't blame the men, the poor, dear men,
For the funny little thoughts they used to think.
'Twas only human nature,
And they blushed, some red, some pink,
Though they tried to keep away,
Yet they nearly went astray,
Thro' the eye with the paralytic wink, wink, wink,
Thro' the eye with the paralytic wink.

At a West-End ' Cinderella' once she caused a tiny breeze,
Thro' that naughty little paralytic wink;
For the Johnny that she danced with gave her such a lovely squeeze,
Every time he saw that paralytic wink.
But alas for them, his wifey dear their little game perceived,
And before she gave herself the time to think,
With her eye in frenzy, rolling, she was fairly on their track,
Tore the maiden from his clutches and the clothes from off her back,
Scratched her with her boney fingers, shook her like an aspen leaf,
Then she bounced off like a demon, left the maiden clothed in grief,
And her naughty little paralytic wink.

Chorus:

When outside she called a cabby but the cabby gave a shrug,
When he twigged her little paralytic wink;
Then drove her home in fancy dress, a nose-bag and a rug,
It was chilly in a paralytic wink.
Next morning, ill in bed she lay, a doctor soon was called,
But the poor, dear chap, he scarce knew what to think,
For the winking and the blinking of that agitated eye.
Seemed to him a lover's signal and he felt he'd like to fly,
Then he called another doctor, for he couldn't bear the strain,
And those two enlightened medicos, declared the girl insane,
Thro' that naughty, little paralytic wink.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by W.T. Lytton & Denham Harrison - 1909
Performed by Edie Ross
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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