THE GIRL, THE WOMAN AND THE WIDOW
 
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I will sing a song of woman-kind, tho' I must say I find
That to man-kind every kind of woman-kind is unkind
I'll firstly take the Girl, and I don't care whose girl I take
When she's young she's full of oranges and little boys and cake
In the sea you'll see her paddling with her skirts around her knee
And you hope that she will do the same when she is twenty three
When she's seventeen and some money you have got
She will cuddle close up to you till she does you for the lot.

Chorus: The Girl, the woman and the Widow
The kid is like the woman and the woman's all kid-oh
If you're single and your bank account is high
You'd best keep single or your oof will quickly fly
Fellow singlets, keep your weather eye, on the
Girl and the woman and glue both eyes on the Widow.


Now we get to lovely woman, she's an angel don't you know
For the poets tell us she's a blessing from above
When she's married to a fellow she adores him more or less
But she doesn't love him half so much as her new satin dress
She will wear her best silk stockings in the street when there's a breeze
And although her feet are number five's, her shoes are number three's
She can play the game of spoof and she can play at ping-a-pong
She can hold a squalling baby but she cannot hold her tongue.

Chorus: The Girl, the woman and the Widow
The kid is like the woman and the woman's all kid-oh
If to take a loving wife you really ache
You must be careful now whose wife you go and take
My advice is give them all a shake
Both the Girl, and the woman and give two shakings for the Widow


Now we reach the little Widow, and you'd best keep out of view
For I know she's looking for a victim number two
She will let you take her out to dine and spend your scanty wage
She will tell you when her birthday is but will not tell her age
Her complexion's simply lovely, and we know it's real paint
When she's thirsty if there's brandy handy, she knows how to faint
You may kiss her in the garden, you may kiss her in the gloom
But somebody else is sure to kiss her in the drawing room.

Chorus: The Girl, the woman and the Widow
The kid is like the woman and the woman's all kid-oh
Someone's widow if you ever interview
If you don't marry her, well, she will marry you
Oh be careful, quickly say adieu
To the Girl, and the woman, and run like blazes from the Widow.
 
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Performed by R.G. Knowles (1858-1919)
 
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