GIVE HIM MY KIND REGARDS
 
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When my friend brown was leaving town,
He said he would call and see,
A mutual friend named Tompkins,
With whom we'd had many a spree.
Said he, by the way, is there aught I can say,
Or a message I can take?
I said, Now you remind, I will not be unkind,
So for old acquaintance sake,

Chorus: Give him my kind regards and say I would like to know,
When he intends to pay me what he borrowed so long ago,
Ask him to call and have a chat, a smoke or a game of cards,
He owes me five and twenty pounds, so give him my kind regards.

Theophilus Smith was madly in love
With Clara Matilda Jones,
He made her costly presents,
He granted sundry loans,
So gaily arrayed, for the parson he made,
But he found he was left in the lurch,
For the bride wasn't there and didn't he stare,
When this message she sent to the church,

Chorus: Give him my kind regards and say that I've changed my mind,
And cannot consent to marry him although he's awfully kind,
Tell him his presents are safe with me, including the wedding cards,
I'm going to marry another young man, so give him my kind regards.

Miss Julia Jane was courted by,
An awfully nice, young man,
And though he had loved her over a year,
He ne're had found a plan.
To visit her ma, for her crusty old pa,
Objected to this young spark,
When she asked his consent to invite the young gent,
The old man wouldremark,

Chorus: Give him my kind regards and say I like he'd call tonight,
My boots have just been mended and the bull-dog wants a bite;
He's sure of some fun, for I've bought a new gun that will kill at a thousand yards,
So ask him down to tea tonight and give him my kind regards.
 
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Written, composed and performed by Lester Barrett (d. 1924)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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