GO AND GET ONE OF YOUR OWN, MALONE
 
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Murphy's pal, Malone, was a greedy fellow indeed he was,
Murphy paid a policeman once, what he owed him months and months,
Kneeling on his chest, he punched him black and blue,
Malone rushed up to punch him as well, said Murphy, 'That'll do,'

Chorus: Go and get one of your own, Malone, get one of your own,
I knocked the policeman down, for myself and not the town.
Haven't I broken his nose and smashed his collar-bone,
How dare you come jumping on top of my policeman,
Go and get one of your own.

Murphy and Malone got a job at the Carlton Brewery,
Murphy tumbled in a vat, 'I must save his life!' said Pat.
Jumping in the beer, he grabbed him by his hair,
But Murphy didn't thank him, no, he shouted with a swear,

Chorus: Go and get one of your own, Malone, get one of your own,
Don't take the liberty, jumping in to rescue me,
Into this vat, full of beer, tou've jumped, you wasn't thrown,
As your corduroy trousers are spoiling the flavour,
Go and get one of your own.

Into Murphy's yard, sure Malone went gathering buttercups,
Soon a bee took his big nose for a brilliant purple rose,
'Murder!' screamed Malone, 'I'm being ate alive!'
Said Murphy, 'Well! you shouldn't poke your nose in my beehive!'

Chorus: Go and get one of your own, Malone, get one of your own,
How dare you milk my bees, all this honey belongs to me,
Look at the size of your nose, you let my bee alone,
How dare you come filling your nose with my honey,
Go and get one of your own.

Now Murphy in the park, sat and courted Biddy O'Shaughnessey,
She was fat and oh, he found, when his went halfway round,
He felt someone's hand was meeting him half way,
And looking round he saw Malone, he said, 'I say...

Chorus: Go and get one of your own, Malone, get one of your own,
This girl we can't divide, though she may be three yards wide,
Sure she has only one mouth, so if we kiss her Malone,
All night we'll be knocking noses together,
Go and get one of your own.
 
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Written, composed and performed by Billy Williams (1877-1915)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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