THE GONDOLIER
 
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He was a love sick Venetian, a Venetian blind with love
A gondolier born from the blue Adriatic
A youthful and powerful though somewhat rheumatic
Each night with his dark-haired Senora
He would float in his boat o'er the tide
Far away from the jetty, she'd knit her spaghetti,and to his love he cried.

'Just you and I in my gondola, out on the blue lagoon
Just you and I we will wonderla, neath the Venitian moon
Sailing from thence to beyondola, out on the starlit foam
To my embrace please respodola. Kiss me and say you'll be fondola
If you don't you'll get chucked in the pondola and then swim back home.'

Recited: Fair Senoras, would you hear of a jilted Gondolier
And the thinnest girl in Venice Black-eyed Bess
'Tis a pitiful epistle of girl all grief and gristle
Would you like to hear the story? Would you? Yes.
The thinnest girl I know, in my gondola would row
She was thinner than she felt inclined to tell
And beneath her pretty pinny she was scraggy, lank and skinny
And I'll tell you what she did to Colin Bell
It was one evening at a dance, Colin Bell seemed in a trance
And in adoration at her feet he knelt
But despite her girlish prattle, he distinctly heard the rattle
Of the skeleton that in her cupboard dwelt
She was thin, thin, thin, how could she hope a man like him to win
By the living gods that made her,
On a slot machine he weighed her
A bag of bones, some shingle hair, and skin
Then in accents low and tender, she admitted she was slender
But she swore that she would fatten up her bod
She would take, if he'd forgive her, oil extracted from the liver
And emulsion from the little yellow cod
But Colin Bell said, 'No,' and left her, in a taxi drove away
For there were no buses running from the Strand to Mandalay
And the lady that was known as Lou he married straight away
In Venice down by the Rio Grande
And there the broken hearted woman to the North of Peckham Pier
To a romance that is shattered she still clings
There's a tear-stained gondolier who still waits by Peckham Pier
And each morning in his bath he sadly sings:-

(Some Italian is then sung ending in........'banana')

 
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Written, composed and performed by Billy Merson (1881-1947)
 
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