GRAMMATICAL GRIEVANCES
 
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All think their mother tongue is best but English holds a mighty sway
From North to South, from East to West you'll hear it spoken, in a way
To learn it every nation tries collapsing in its snares and pits
For rules your mother tongue defies and knocks them into fits and bits
Why, you yourselves must be on guard so lightly you cannot condemn
For if you find your language hard, poor foreigners! how hard for them.

Suppose a butterfly you catch
You do not say it's catched, it's caught
But if a hen some eggs should hatch
You say they're hatched, pray why not haught?
A hostess writes, 'Your songs please bring.'
They are not brung, but they are brought
Yet when a song you sweetly sing
You're thanked for what you've sung, not sought
You speak of armies sent to fight
Are battles fit? No, they are fought
And yet when you have lamps to light
They're always lit and never lought.

Perfection's looked for in a man. It's not in man's, it is in men
Success is hoped for every plan. It comes to plans, why not to plen?
You always praise a dainty foot, you don't praise dainty foots, but feet
A foot is measured for a boot
And feet for boots, why not for beet?
A cat's not friendly to a mouse, you don't say mouses, you say mice
And yet the plural of a house is oddly houses, why not hice?

In O.U.G.H. you possess pronunciation truly tough
It's quite a puzzle I confess, why plough for instance, why not pluff?
A pudding's made of dough, not doo
You don't read novels throw, but through
Sore throats don't make you cow, but cough
A bird sits on a bough, not bow, you hate the sea when rough, not row
You flounder in a slough, not sluff
But there, you've heard about enow, eno, enu, enoff, enough!!!
 
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Written and composed by Herbert Harraday & Napoleon Lambelet - 1903
Performed by Maurice Farkoa (1864-1916)
 
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