THE GREAT McNOODLE
 
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The great McNoodle went on town with Charing Cross, his crony
To sample all the music halls and show his sanctimony
Mc said, 'I hear these places are most terribly improper
We'll piously inspect their games and on them put a stopper.'

Refrain: So they put on the garb of sobriety
And gay as a goody Tract Society
They went out to search for impropriety
At the naughty, naughty, naughty music halls.


At the Alhambra first in Leicester Square, they called on Charlie Morton
But they saw nothing wicked there, though each skirt was a short 'un
They said, as they with rapture gazed on all the pretty creatures
'Oh! what a Sunday School they'd make with us two saints as teachers.

Refrain: So they looked with the utmost propriety
Through strong opera glasses of society
And they said, 'What a lovely variety
Of naughty, naughty, nicey little dears.'


Then next they went across the way where Empire lights were flaring
And there they saw a leg display that set them both a staring
They walked about the promenade and saw the darlings busy
Some perfect ladies drinking 'Cham' and everything quite fizzy.

Refrain: So they drank ginger beer with propriety
In the best of 'Imperial' society
And they went home singing Too-ral-eity
What a proper, proper, proper music hall.


They rose next day with aching head all through that ginger beer, oh
And though they wished that they were dead, they did the Trocadero
The songs they heard seemed very dull, their livers felt all wrong, sirs
McNoodle thought the show was rot, his friend the skirts too long, sirs.

Refrain: So they drank soda plain with propriety
And said, for the morals of society
We will shut up all the smaller fryety
Of the wicked, wicked, wicked music halls.


Now since McNoodle went on town I hear he's come a cropper
But still the County Council says the halls must be quite proper
So only Dr Watts's hymns can now be sung to charm ye
And comic singers have to join the sweet Salvation Army.

Refrain: They sing sacred songs with propriety
And preach little sermons for variety
They've gone in for water, and for piety
At the goody, goody, goody music halls.


The County Council, people thought would do the town some good, sirs
If Roseerry'd not bossed the show, their tricks would not be stood, sirs
For next to nothing up to now, they've done but nag and prate, sirs
Except they've put a shilling on our much too heavy rate, sirs.

Refrain: No, they go on talking to satiety
And they do just nothing for society
The fact is the Council's all-my-eye-ety
With little do, and lots of empty jaw.
 
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Performed by Herbert Campbell (1844-1904)
 
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