THE HALF-BACK'S FAREWELL
 
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When Autumn leaves are falling
And nature doth the soul enthrall,
We may not meet again on earth love
I'm going to play football.
Farewell! perhaps for ever,
I'm going to play football.

We play Rugby Union rules, my anxious darling,
My jersey will be torn from off my back,
And, when I toddle home in the twilight love,
My face, an eye, or ear may lack.
My legs and arms may both be missing
This sort of thing a football chap endures,
But if my chest still holds together
My heart though broken still is yours.

When Autumn leaves are falling
And nature doth the soul enthrall,
We may not meet again on earth love
I'm going to play football.
Farewell! perhaps for ever,
I'm going to play football.

From the hospital I sally, newly mended,
To pulverise some mother's darling pet,
But didn't damage him as I'd intended,
He downed me directly we had met.
I call for thee and say,'Oh fetch her,'
Glue on my ear and tie my arm in twine,
And take my remnants on a stretcher
When she will nurse what bits are mine.

When Autumn leaves are falling
And nature doth the soul enthrall,
We may not meet again on earth love
I'm going to play football.
Farewell! perhaps for ever,
I'm going to play football.

Though a cripple now, my darling don't reject me,
Because I've done no service to my side,
As soon as all the teams are dead or dying,
I will return and fight! my bride.
While men are counting up the corpses,
I'll drop a kick although the bar be high,
And if I am not interrupted,
I'll 'goal' our 'love' with that one try.

When Autumn leaves are falling
And nature doth the soul enthrall,
We may not meet again on earth love
I'm going to play football.
Farewell! perhaps for ever,
I'm going to play football.

 
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Performed by Robert Ganthony (1849-1931)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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