HE IS IGNORANT
 
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Bill Goff, wots in the factory wiv me
Went to the ragged school, long, long ago
Yet he's as ignorant as he can be
While I'm self eddicated don't you know
I entered in a spelling 'B', one night
O' couse the ignoramous entered too
But he went a bit too far when I spelled Wictoriar
Sayin, 'Garn away there ain't no W.'

Chorus: Ignorant! oh he is ignorant
Ev'ry blessed day, he gives 'isself away
'Ardly knows his A.B.C.
An' can't write his name like me
Why, he even spells a cow wivout a K.

Our boss gives a beano once a year
Free lovely brake-loads, startin' from a pub
And Bill he talks of etiquette dear, dear
When we sits down to have our bit o' grub
He says it's rude to eat 'am orf the bone
An' i was never more 'riled' in my life
Than, when he, in company, has the cheek to say to me
That its wrong to eat my peas orf of a knife.

Chorus: Ignorant! oh he is ignorant
Ev'ry blessed day, he gives 'isself away
'Ere, I'll prove that he's a clown
He said, 'Pass the apples down'
An' he never put an H afore the A.

On 'istory he finks he knows a lot
But I'm the bloke to take 'im down at last
He spouts, until I murmurs 'Tommy Rot'
An' feels as 'ow I'd like to knock 'im flat
But, Bill he's got a fist as big as mine
So I confines myself to 'istory
An' we talks o' kings and queens, and other great 'as-beens'
Till I tie poor Billy in a knot, you see.

Chorus: Ignorant! oh he is ignorant
Ev'ry blessed day, he gives 'isself away
Says the Queen's great grandmamma
Ain't the muvver of the Shah
It's like spelling Germany wivout a J.

At tossing, too, when he ain't on the spout
Bill finks as he knows somefink an' no cod
He's great guns at the game of odd man out
An' knows the mysteries of Tommy Dodd
One night he challenged me for glasses round
I fort that I could do 'im on the spot
So I shouted ''eads', but oh ev'ry coin was tails, and so
Blow me tight I 'ad to 'parker' for the lot.

Chorus: Ignorant! oh he is ignorant
Ev'ry blessed day, he gives 'isself away
Fust of all he drinks my beer
Then he throws a nasty leer
An' asks me if I spells josser wiv a J.

 
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Written and composed by J. P. Harrington & George Le Brunn - 1896
Performed by Alec Hurley (1871-1913)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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