HE'S IN THE ASYLUM NOW
 
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The author of this song when young was very fond of hymns
But as he grew up older he had strong poetic whims
To write a really funny song he'd strive the whole day long
Whilst scratching his fat head one day he wrote this little song.

Chorus: He's in the Asylum now, with his hand to his classic brow
Safe inside a padded room writing verses for his tomb
He's in the Asylum now.


Is marriage a failure once inquired a married man
He'd three dear wives, and all alive, away from each he'd ran
But how to solve the problem he felt very much in doubt
So called the three together just to talk the matter out.

Chorus: He's in the Asylum now, the question was solved but how
By the marks upon his face, the answer you can trace
He's in the Asylum now.


A few members of Parliament, (I need not mention who!)
Disgust us with their idle talk and cock a doodle doo
They bully honest legislators, take it straight from me
That Parliament is not the place in which they ought to be.

Chorus: But in the Asylum now, where, like Kilkenny's cat moll row
When they found they'd lost their seat, each other they would eat
If in the Asylum now.


I knew a happy married pair who lived not far from here
They'd never had an angry word, their love was so sincere
They'd call each other pet and duck, like doves they'd bill and coo
One day his mother-in-law came round to stay a week or two.

Chorus: He's in the Asylum now, her voice was so sweet I vow
How he longs to hear once more that dear old lady's jaw
He's in the Asylum now.


There's been a squabble about who wrote Shakespear's poems and plays
We'd soon know could we find someone who lived in those grand days
Some wild romantic chap whose long black hair was nicely curled
Thought Bacon wrote them all, and tried to prove it to the world.

Chorus: He's in the Asylum now, where he'll change his idea I vow
For since Shakespeare he's forsaken he'll got lots of nice fat bacon
He's in the Asylum now.


A friend of mine one evening, having nothing else to do
Went out and bought an old trombone to play a tune or two
To be a famed musician was his one fond wish in life
One day he played a solo on that trombone to his wife.

Chorus: She's in the Asylum now, where sweet music they seldom allow
Laid in silence all alone, how she'll miss his old trombone
She's in the Asylum now.
 
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Performed by Tom Costello (1863-1943)
 
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