HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE
 
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We've got a lodger, 'e's a funny old dodger,
'E's gone music mad.
Last week the nanny goat went and had a kid,
And I 'ad the toothache bad.
'E starts to play at the break of day,
And 'e's orf in the middle o' the night.
'E'll play so sweet that it tickles me feet
And the ol' gal wants to fight.

Chorus: Hey diddle diddle on the middle of 'is fiddle
'E can fiddle diddle diddle all day.
Root toot toot on 'is little bit o' flute,
'E'll sit for hours and play
'Ome sweet 'ome on a paper and a comb
'Is wife's gonna leave 'im all alone.
For all night long 'e's singin' 'er a song
And windin' up the gramophone.

Last Sunday night 'e 'ad a birthday and a fight
And around came all 'is crew.
'E played 'em ragtime, dinnertime, teatime,
Suppertime and bedtime too.
'E blew so 'ard in 'is old bombard
The ceiling in the middle 'ad a crack.
On top o' me and my old gal in bed
They all came through with a whackity, whack, whack.

Chorus: Hey diddle diddle on the middle of 'is fiddle
'E can fiddle diddle diddle all day.
Root toot toot on 'is little bit o' flute,
'E'll sit for hours and play
'Ome sweet 'ome on a paper and a comb
'Is wife's gonna leave 'im all alone.
For all night long 'e's singin' 'er a song
And windin' up the gramophone.

Our new twins now as soon as 'e begins
Start doin' the kangaroo 'op.
I 'ad to double upstairs, undress them
And bob 'im on the nose with a crop.
'E says: 'Old sport, I reckon you ought
To let me live rent-free.'
I said with a groan: 'Take your old trombone
And go to Bermondsey.'

Chorus: Hey diddle diddle on the middle of 'is fiddle
'E can fiddle diddle diddle all day.
Root toot toot on 'is little bit o' flute,
'E'll sit for hours and play
'Ome sweet 'ome on a paper and a comb
'Is wife's gonna leave 'im all alone.
For all night long 'e's singin' 'er a song
And windin' up the gramophone.

 
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Performed by Harry Champion (1866-1942)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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