I stayed at a farmhouse last Summer
For a month I was there rusticating
Towards evening the first day "Farmer Raby," I cried
"I can't sit here all day ruminating."
He said, "It's excitement you're wanting old chap
Run upstairs and nurse baby a while on your lap."
Thought I "Nursing baby's not in my line"
So felt it incumbent on me to decline
Next morning I saw a girl milking the cows
A maiden of sweet seventeen
She said, "I'm the daughter of old farmer Raby."
"His daughter," quoth I, "Then his eldest then maybe?"
She said, "No, I'm the youngest, and Dad calls me Baby."
Hey Ho, what might have been.

The wife's mother she came on a visit
"For six months," she informed me she was staying
I made her as welcome as though she'd been a queen
Bad form I'd ne'er think of displaying
She came from the country - was not used to gas
Brought a candle to light her to bed, poor old lass
Although I'm not frightened, I'm fearful of fire
So when she lit the candle, it quite raised my ire
I blew out her candle - she went up to bed
Then shrieked and created a scene
"My room's full of gas," she called out, "It's a scandal
I heard it escaping when I turned on the handle."
And I like a darned fool had blown out the candle
Hey Ho, what might have been.

Now young Jim and I were once rivals
The same blue-eyed lass we were courting
Jim swore that he'd wed her, and I swore the same
Now our chances were equally sporting
Each night in her parlour the three of us sat
While Jim glared at me like a dog at a cat
I said, "We can't both marry her, that's certain quite."
Then my jaw caught his left while my eyes copped his right
We fought who should marry the girl, and I won
One of Jim's eyes were black and one green
Jim went to the wars, when I married Sadie
Got shot and now lies neath the palm trees so shady
And to think Jim's at rest while I married the lady
Hey Ho, what might have been.
Written and composed by Sullivan & Edgar
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
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