Since the day of Jubilation there's been no sensation,
To beat the one which now I will relate,
Though it is somewhat confusing, it's really most amusing,
And, I think, deserves to take the cake.
On returning home one day, you can judge my dismay,
On finding all my house turned upside down,
For it was my dog's birthday and very strange to say,
He had invited all his friends from town.

Chorus: Hi diddle diddle the cat played the fiddle,
The old cochin-china started waltzing round the room,
My dog he took his stand, as the leader of the band,
Whilst the old poll parrot shouted, 'What an afternoon!'

Now all the knowing party seemed jolly, gay and hearty,
And with my happy home they played the deuce.
All the day they yelled and hollared, my properties they collared,
And dressed themselves up very gay and spruce.
Without my friendly aid on the wines they made a raid,
Like human beings, drunk got very soon,
Then each obnoxious beast sat down and had a feast,
Then arm in arm marched in the drawing-room.


Then without hesitation, they played at speculation,
Whilst I dumbfounded scarce knew what to do,
And whilst the game pursuing the cloth they started chewing,
As though it were a common Irish stew.
Then when the game was o'er, they rolled upon the floor,
In quite a perfect state of wild delight,
They pinched each other's toes, then quickly came to blows,
And for an hour there was an all-round fight.


Then in a boozed condition defying competition,
They started comic singing, 'pon my word,
The cat in different styles, sung, 'Out Upon The Tiles.'
Whilst the parrot sweetly warbled, 'Pretty Bird.'
The old cock then got through with, 'Cock-a-doodle-do.'
Then my dog, Monte Carlo, loud did scream.
And for encore, by the way, he sung, 'Old Dog Tray.'
'Til the neighbours and the police came on the scene.

Written and composed by T.F. Robson - 1891
Performed by Charles Chaplin (1864-1901)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
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