HOW TO BE HAPPY, THOUGH MARRIED
 
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I've got some good advice to give to married ladies here
The proper way to treat a man may puzzle some I fear
Suppose your husband likes a 'drop' (some husbands do, I'm told)
And stops out on a Sunday till the dinner's spoilt and cold.

Chorus: Oh! girls, if you want to be happy though married
Just as soon as he enters through the door
Do not wait to sob and cry, smack the mutton in his eye
And he won't be late for dinner any more.


Though he leaves work at six o' clock, your hubby dear, perhaps
Stops out till past midnight to play in billiard handicaps
Just take a young man lodger, one who doesn't care to roam
But loves your little fireside, and the comforts of a home.

Chorus: Oh! girls, if you want to be happy though married
Treat the lodger politely, to be sure
And you'll find your husband run
Straight back home when work is done
And he won't stop out playing billiards any more.


Perhaps your old man's hobby is to study the stars
And night by night he loves to gaze at Venus and at Mars
He stands down at the garden gate with powerful telescope
For him to come and bolt the doors, you sit for hours and mope.

Chorus: Oh! girls, if you want to be happy though married
Keep your eye on your husband, I implore
And tell the lady opposite
She must draw her blind at night
Then he won't go out star-gazing any more.
 
 
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