HOW TO SING 'EXTEMPORE'
 
Extempore
 
What is called impromptu singing nowadays is all the rage
And samples of the art you'll hear on almost every stage
It's the sort of thing that always is a certainty when tried
So long as you keep popular opinion on your side
And if any here would like to learn the secret just for fun
I'll give an easy lesson in the way the trick is done
Follow out my plain instructions, and each one of you may play
At extemporizing verses on the topics of the day.

Now, suppose you're called on to make a verse about the Queen
Well, all you've got to say is 'that her face is seldom seen'
Then say, 'She's reigned in England now for fifty years or more
And that the money she has saved must be a pretty store.'
Then have a go at Battenberg - say, 'He's not worth a brown.'
And, as he isn't popular, of course you run him down
Call him anything you think of, and they're sure to shout hooray
For that's warrented to 'fetch 'em' in the topics of the day.

Then you have a fling at justice in this free and happy land
And say, 'The ways of magistrates no one can understand.'
Pile it up about 'the rich man who gets fined when charged with crime'
And point out how 'the coster for the same thing must do time.'
Say, 'Such things in 1891 are surely a disgrace.'
Stamp your feet and 'chuck it at 'em' till you get red in the face
And if that don't 'take the tea-cake' well, then I don't know the way
For there's not a safer item in the topics of the day.

Spoken - Now, I've no doubt many of you fancy the verses I've sung were already written for me. But to prove how mistaken that idea is, if any lady or gentleman will kindly give me a subject, I will instantly improvise a verse upon it. What shall it be? (when subject is selected, proceed...)

Now, you've given me a subject, and a very good one too
So, with your kind attention, I will see what I can do
'Twas some one down there gave it me, as all of you could see
And I'm very much obliged to him for giving it to me
You all of you have heard it, there's not the slightest doubt
And so you know as well as I what it is all about
So I'm very much obliged by the attention that you pay
And this concludes my rhyming on that topic of the day.
 
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Written and composed by Harry Boden & Henry E. Pether
Performed by George Neno
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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