HUNDREDS OF INCHES FROM HOME
 
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Here I stand on a desolate shore,
Many thousands of inches from home
No one has lived on this island before,
For a hundred years I've been alone
Last night as I slumbered I had a strange dream
But I caught it and killed it this morn
I dreamt I was back where I never had been
Taking father's old trousers to pawn.

Chorus: Home, home, home sweet home
Many miles over the sea
Thinking of mother, sister and brother
Wondering where they can be
My wife has gone back to her husband again
And left me here to roam
So I'll never go back until I return
To my home sweet home.

I fancied I saw Cleopatra's gold curls
And she made me a present of 'nix'
When I went away she was one of the girls
But now she's become one-and-six
I saw the old homestead where I was not born
And the old church without any spire
And i listened with 'Jie' as I did when a 'bie'
To the sound of the old village choir.

Chorus:

I saw the old people to dinner sit down
They dined on cold bread all day
Whilst their poor wandering boy had got nothing but beef
Many hundreds of yards away
I wandered again to the 'old rustic seat'
Where the watch-dog was watching so sweet
And to prove he remembered me, he bit a piece
Right out of the old rustic seat.

Chorus:

 
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Performed by Tom Leamore (1866-1939)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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