This little song
Will not take long,
Its aim is education –
So to commence
I'll just condense
The hist'ry of our nation.
Now please in turn
Read mark and learn,
While I put through their paces
Those dear old beans
The Kings and Queens, -
As well as Jacks and Aces.

When Henry Eight
Got tired of Kate
He tried her life to frighten,
Then chucked the chin
of Anne Boleyn,
And off they went to Brighton.
They used to spend
Each long week-end
From Saturdays till Mondays,
While Wolsey stayed
At home and made
His famous woollen undies.

You've heard of John
The grasping one,
Whose papers resented squashing,
He gained renown
Because his crown
Got mangled in the Wash-ing.
His nobles sat
And ‘chewed the fat,'
Inside the Star and Garter,
They smote ‘his nibs'
Between the ribs,
And sprained his Magna Charta.

Now good Queen Bess
was fond of dress,
Her tailor's bills were bumpers,
Till bit by bit
She learned to knit
And made herself some jumpers.
She tried in vain
To ‘purl' and ‘plain,'
It kept her pretty busy, -
Her greatest pal
Was Walter Ral,
Who called her Skinny Lizzie.

King Bruce the Scot
Had read a lot
Of novels light and airy,
Then murmered ‘Hoots,
I'll gang to Boots'
An' join their li-ber-ary.'
His greatest treats
Were works of Keats,
The poet sent him greetings,
A spider brown
Kept falling down,
So Keats was swopped for Keatings.

Canute we're told
Was weak and old,
And left this earth one Sunday,
He chose this day
To pass away
To dodge cold meat on Monday.
His widow who
Insurance drew,
Was courted for her boodle,
She wed again
And told her swain
Ca-nute could not ca-noodle.'
Written and composed by Greatrex Newman & Fred Cecil -1922
Performed by Leslie Henson (1891-1957)
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