THE HYSTORY OF ENGLAND
 
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I mean to win a scholarship in English History
And all the boys in our school have been assisting me
I'm bound to win it easy with the facts which they supplied
For instance, there's King Alfred who was living till he died.

Chorus: He ate a red-hot penny bun, it made him dance and hop
That's how the Cake Walk first occurred in Mr Lockhart's shop.


Old Julius Caesar years before went to a Music Hall
And thought with Mr Hackenschmidt he'd like to 'try a fall'
He posted him a challenge, and next evening after dark
He had some private training in a corner of Hyde Park.

Chorus: He took off all his Roman togs, the night began to freeze
He got froze hard, and to this day he stands as Achilles.


King Canute was a sporting man who always paid his way
You'd find him in the Beaufort's Club on every settling day
One day he made a little bet, said he, 'I'm not a dunce
I'll bet you ten to one I'll make the tide keep out for months.'

Chorus: So down he sat on Southend Beach with some old foreign Prince
Then he sang 'Teasing' to the waves, and they've stopped out ever since


The Eighth King Henry through the gout was often in a huff
He played old Harry with the girls and played the game of bluff
He went to Alexandra Park along with Bingham Young
And took a gallon bottle full of porter to the bung.

Chorus: But in the train the bung came out, he swore till he was hoarse
That's how the station got it's name, because the King was Cross


When George the First was monarch of this happy happy land
He met some maids-of-honour at the Bun Shop in the Strand
While riding in the Tube with them he thought he'd have his lunch
He'd got some cheese in paper, and of onions half a bunch.

Chorus: And while he got those onions down a tear stood in each eye
When Georgie-Porgie kissed the girls they all began to cry.
 
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Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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