I CAN’T DO MY BALLY BOTTOM BUTTON
 
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Buttons are a blinking bally nuisance, you'll agree
Buttoning bally buttons is a blinking bore to me
If I had no bally buttons on my clothes, I know
I could put more dinners where good dinners always go
Supper is the only decent meal I ever get
And I do enjoy my suppers by the way
For I undo my buttons, but next morning when I wake
I always call the missus up and say.

Chorus: I can't do my bally bottom button up
Can't do my bally bottom button up
It's so tight, serves me right
Must have eaten too much grub last night
I can't do my bally bottom button up
And though' you think it's fun
What's the use of buttoning the other bally buttons
When the bally bottom button's undone?


In the street one afternoon I heard a preacher say,
“If you've only got the will you'll always find the way
Don't say you can't do a thing but try until you do
Some men have done great and mighty deeds, why shouldn't you?”
Then he said, 'Now look at that intelligent young man'
When the crowd all looked at me I got a shock
Said he, 'There's nothing in this world a man like him can't do'
But I replied, 'Oh, yes there is, old cock.'

Chorus:

I became a burglar once, as biz. was rather tame
And I found that burglaring was a very risky game
I was climbing through a window just as burglars do
When a slavey shut it down as I was half way through
Then two coppers came along and one said, 'Grab him Bill
You can dig him in the lunch if he resists
I said, 'Alright I'm coming but you'll have to wait a bit
For once you get the hand-cuffs on my wrists.'

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by J.P. Long - 1916
Performed by Ernie Mayne (1871-1937)
 
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