I CAN'T OBLIGE TODAY
 
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Some folks have cheek and impudence enough for three or four
The other day my neighbour Brown came banging at the door
He said, 'Be quick, I cannot wait, will you lend me a shirt?
The one you're wearing now will do!' But I began to blurt,

Chorus: 'I can't oblige today, I can't oblige today
Your mild request is quite unique
I s'pose you'll wear it for a week?
If I lent it, at home I'd have to stay
I've only this moment borrowed it
So I can't oblige today.'


A chap said at a fancy Ball, 'You see that lady there
She's winked at me just forty times, we'd make a dashing pair
You go and tread upon her dress and let me knock you down
And then I'll go and mash her, see?' I answered with a frown

Chorus: 'I can't oblige today, I can't oblige today
I did that for a friend before
And came home with a broken jaw
Still, I'd risk it, you're welcome as the May
That lady, though, is my wife, you know,
So I can't oblige today.


A friend of mine was going out to meet his Sunday gal
But business prevented, so he asked me, as a pal
If I would take the lady out for once instead of him
I said, 'I'm not that sort of man, you much suprise me, Jim.'

Chorus: 'I can't oblige today, I can't oblige today
You know I am a married man
What about my Mary Ann?
If she found out the deuce there'd be to pay
Besides I've two girls to meet myself
So I can't oblige today.'


From a London, Chatham and Dover train I saw a man alight
His beard was long and touched the ground, his hair was snowy white
I helped him down the platform and said, 'Tell me what's your name?
You look like Rip Van Winkle.' but the trembling answer came,

Chorus: 'I can't oblige today, I can't oblige today
I had a name long years ago
But what it is I do not know
We have been so long upon the way
That I've quite forgotten who I am
So I can't oblige today.
 
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Performed by Ernest Shand (1868-1924)
 
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