I DON'T WANT TO GO ANY FURTHER
 
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One day last week I was going home in an absent-minded way
I fell down a cellar flap belonging to a pub, and there on the floor I lay
Down came the Landlord, looking very glum
And he said, when he saw me, 'Poor chap,
We must carry him upstairs quick.'
But I said 'Let me be.' 'What ever do you mean?' he cried
I looked round the cellar and replied,

Chorus: 'I don't want to go any farther! no farther! no farther!
No farther, don't move me, Sir, I'm comfortable here
I wish you would not come and interfere
If you want to give me any brandy I think I'd like a little rather
Lay me underneath the barrel with the funnel in my mouth
I don't want to go any farther.'


Last year my wife took me for a week
To a lovely seaside spot
I went for a pleasant little ramble on my own
One day when the sun was hot
I saw a mermaid swimming in the sea
Oh, she did look fine, you bet
I jumped in a little boat - got rowed out
A closer view to get
But presently we turned back, 'cause
I said to the fellow with the oars,

Chorus: 'I don't want to go any farther! no farther! no farther!
I've been done brown this journey, I declare
That ain't no mermaid swimming over there
I thought I was going to see a tableau -
I do feel disappointed, rather
For it's only my old woman, I can see her any time
I don't want to go any farther.'


Some time back I got a little job
In a Christmas Pantomime
They made me a funny man and put me in a kilt
I looked absolutely prime
But, on the first night, walking on the stage
When I had to say my say
I stepped on a little trap - down I went
And there I stuck half way
You bet that I began to shout
And said to the people round about,

Chorus: 'I don't want to go any farther, no farther, no farther
Oh, do make haste - I'm sorry to complain
But I wish you would pull me up again
There's a tin-tack sticking in my diaphragm
It hurts my tummy tummy rather
And when the ballet girls are underneath a-tickling my knees
I don't want to go any farther.'


I bought new clothes for my wedding day
That were much too tight to wear
The chap I was living with - a bigger man than me
He said, 'You can have my pair.'
I put 'em on quick - talk about a sight
Well, they made my best man cough
And as for the buttons, there were but two
And one of them came off
While going to the church, Oh lor
I said to my mother at the door,

Chorus: 'I don't want to go any farther, no farther, no farther
Just tell my bride I want to get away
I can't stop now, I'll come another day
There's something the matter with my braces
I feel uncomfortable rather
There's the other button going, I can feel 'em getting slack
I don't want to go any farther.'
 
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Written and composed by F. W. Leigh - 1901
Performed by Frank Seeley (d. 1913)
 
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