I KISSED HER UNDER THE PARLOUR STAIRS
 
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Oh! the happiest time that ever I spent
Was under the parlour stairs,
In the nights when I a courting went,
Under the parlour stairs.
Oh! a barrel of beer in the corner stood
Beside some ha'penny bundles of wood,
And I vowed I'd marry the cook, I would,
Under the parlour stairs.

Chorus: Oh! I kissed her under the lilac tree,
I kissed her under the rose,
I kissed her under the balcony,
I kissed her under the nose.
I kissed her over the garden wall,
I kissed her unawares,
But oh! the sweetest kiss of all,
Was under the parlour stairs.

Oh! she gave best of everything,
Under the parlour stairs.
The breast of a duck, or a keg, or a wing,
Under the parlour stairs.
So I had a 'whack', though I didn't get beat,
That is to say I'd a 'shack' to eat,
And I found a 'good biding' quite a treat,
Under the parlour stairs.

Chorus:

Oh! I heard the bobby say once to Sue,
I was under the parlour stairs.
'Shall I come in for a minute or two,
Under the parlour stairs?'
But Susan replied so that I could hear,
'I should like for to ask you in, my dear,
But a man is here, looking after the beer,
Under the parlour stairs.

Chorus:

One night the confounded dog would bark,
Under the parlour stairs.
And the master caught me in the dark,
Under the parlour stairs.
But Sue said, 'It's all through the missis, sir,
For she wouldn't allow no follower,
But I would have one in spite of her,
Under the parlour stairs.

Chorus:

And now we're married but we sometimes meet,
Under the parlour stairs.
For my wife will say, 'Come along, my sweet,
Under the parlour stairs.
Now we'll have a cosy cup of tea,
And I'll sit again upon your knee,
And think of the time you courted me,
Under the parlour stairs.

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by Harry Hunter & David Day - 1887
Performed by Herbert Campbell (1844-1904)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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