I KNOW MY BUSINESS
(The Messenger Boy)
 
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A messenger I am - you'd guessed it, I suppose
Some people say that my smartness depends upon my clothes
But when I joined the Service, my Father said, 'Remember John
To keep your eyes wide open, that's the way a boy gets on.'
I''ve done my best to follow his advice, and so
In this 'ere game, you bet your life, there's not much I don't know.

Chorus: I know my business, and it's jolly good business too
Though it isn't very much I earn, there's a lot for a chap to learn
Whenever I'm on duty, I'm picking up something new
I know my business, and a bit of other people's too.


I had to take a letter once to somewhere up the West
I rang the bell, a footman came in tip-top livery dressed
Sez he, 'Well, what d'ye want, my boy?' as orty as could be
Sez I, 'I want 'er ladyship - 'er flunky won't suit me.'
'E sez, ''er ladyship's hengaged, so there you har.'
'Hengaged' sez I, 'She's married, why, I read it in the Star.'

Chorus:

Them betting men are funny chaps - I went to one one day
The letter that I gave him, seemed to make him feel all gay
He bunged me half-a-crown, he did - then shouted 'ere you are
You look the real old sportsman, p'r'aps you'd like a nice cigar.'
Lor, when I put it on, I felt that I should croak
Next time they offer me cigars, I'll say, 'No thanks, don't smoke.'

Chorus:

They had me up as witness in a breach of promise case
My name was called - the lawyer and myself stood face to face
'You saw the defendant kiss her,' sez his nibs, I sez, 'That's true'
'What else? sez he. 'What else,' sez I , 'Why then she kissed him too'
'Come now,' sez he, 'We want the truth before you go.'
'All right,' sez I 'I'll speak the truth, and tell you what I know.'

Chorus:

We get some funny jobs at times, in fact we has to be
Prepared to take on anything that comes along, d'ye see
But there, I'm tired of little jobs - I want a chance to shine
There's Mr Winston Churchill, now, his place would suit me fine
'Cheek,' That's what got him there - well, ain't I cheeky too
If 'cheek's' the thing, I'd give 'em cheek, for less than half his screw.

Chorus:

Sometimes we're sent to theaytres, and outside has to wait
And keep a place for people who cannot turn up till late
I've often thought while waiting there how splendid it would be
Suppose the 'star' could not turn up, and they should send for me
In Seymore Hick's part I'd feel a bit all right
With all them lovely Chorus: girls around me every night.
 
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Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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