I LIKE A N'OT WATER BOTTLE IN BED
 
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I've heard wedding bells ringin' merrily
But I'll see that they never ring out for me.
There's many a chap thinks it's awfully nice
To be pelted with old boots, confetti and rice,
If he sees something nice in a little short skirt
Then it's goodbye to bachelor life,
For two can live warmer than one he explains
So he takes her and makes her his wife.

Chorus: But I like a n'ot water bottle, 'ot!
A n'ot water bottle in bed.
A wife may be a luxury
But a n'ot water bottle's the thing for me.
If you're cold in the winter
You don't want to rush and get wed.
Stick to yer seven-an'-six and have
A n'ot water bottle in bed.

Each night when I go off to sweet repose,
On the hot water bottle go ten little toes;
But if I 'ad a missus she'd give me a smack
If I only put one little toe on her back.
On Sundays I never get up when it's cold;
I 'ave a good lay-in instead.
I sit on my 'ot water bottle for hours,
Enjoying my breakfast in bed.

Chorus: Oh I like a n'ot water bottle, 'ot!
A n'ot water bottle in bed.
A wife may be a luxury
But a n'ot water bottle's the thing for me.
If you're cold in the winter
You don't want to rush and get wed.
Stick to yer seven-an'-six and have
A n'ot water bottle in bed.

Repeat Chorus:

 
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Performed by Ernie Mayne (1871-1937)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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