I LIVE UNDERNEATH
 
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In a nice little house that I know, there's a family living there,
Half a score, second floor, they'd make any parson swear;
The old man is a red-nosed boozer, and he comes home full of damp,
Raves and swears, falls upstairs, upsets the paraffin lamp.
Mother's waiting with a clock-weight, there's a yell and somebody's hit,
Then they start to smash the furniture, I shouldn't mind, not a bit, but

Chorus: I live underneath, I live underneath,
All the blooming family make it jolly warm for me.
All night long I'm shivering like a leaf;
They're shouting, 'Murder, murder, p'lice' and I live underneath.

They've a son who's a six-foot moucher, borrowed my best clothes, don't you see?
Took 'em out, up the spout, then gave the ticket back to me;
He's a mark on the upper classes, and swears that he'll give 'em beans,
With dynamite, all the night makes infernal machines.
He goes balmy on the crumpet, and he swears he'll have some-one's gore,
With a big six-chabered revolver fires every night through the floor. And

Chorus: I live underneath, I live underneath,
All the blooming family make it jolly warm for me.
All night long I'm shivering like a leaf;
There's sure to be a funeral soon, 'cos I live underneath.

If I go for an hour a-walking and their younsters I should see,
Little brats shout out, 'Rats!' andsling soft mud at me;
Now they've bored little holes thro' the ceiling and it fairly turns me blue;
Washing day I feel gay, down come the soap-suds through.
Night-time when I am retiring, I'm a bashful man, on my soul,
But their daughters who're inquisitive, all have a peep through the hole. And

Chorus: I live underneath, I live underneath,
All the blooming family make it jolly warm for me.
All night long I'm shivering like a leaf;
I think it's very rude of them, 'cos I live underneath.

 
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Written and composed by A.J. Mills & Bennett Scott - 1896
Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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