What a shocking world this is for scandal
The people get worse every day
Everything serves for a handle
To take folk's good name away
In backbiting vile, each so labours
The sad faults of others to showbody
I could tell enough of my neighbours
But I never says nothing to nobody.

‘Tis a snug little house I reside in
And the people who're living next door
Are smothered completely such pride in
As I never met with before
But outside the door they don't roam
A large sum of money they owe body
Folks call, but can't find them at home
But I never says nothing to nobody.

The butcher so greasy and fat
When out, he does nothing but boast
Struts, as he cocks on his hat
As if supreme, rules the roast
Talks of his wealth and his riches
Consequence always does show body
His ugly old wife wears the breeches
But I never says nothing to nobody.

The baker lives quite in great style
His wife is, oh Lord, such a fright
New dresses she's got a great pile
They sleep out of town every night
Country cottage, completely in state
Determined not to be a low body
He's been pulled up three times for short weight
But I never says nothing to nobody.

The publican thriving in trade
With sorrow is now looking down
His sweet little, pretty barmaid
Has a little one just brought to town
He's not to be seen much about
His wife is a deuce of a shrewbody
The beadles are on the look out
But I never says nothing to nobody.

A Methodist parson of fame
I see very often go by
His heart is filled full of love's flame
He visits a girl on the sly
Although this daily I see
And surely he's but a so-so body
Of course, as ‘tis nothing to me
I never says nothing to nobody.

The new married couple so happy
Seem both the quintessence of love
He calls her before every sappy
My darling, my duck, and my dove
In private there's nothing but strife
Quarrelling, fighting, o'er flow body
In short, quite a cat and dog life
But I never says nothing to nobody.

I could tell, if I liked, such a tale
Of neighbours all round, great and small
That surely, I think, without fail
Would really astonish you all
But here now my short ditty ends
I don't want to hurt high or low body
I wish to keep in with my friends
But I never says nothing to nobody.
Performed by Thomas Hudson (1791-1844)
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