I PARTED MY HAIR IN THE MIDDLE
 
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I used to be backward and shy
For fast living I didn't care
But now I'm a bit of a dog, you can tell
By the way that I've parted my hair
They told me to lead a gay life
A life that was dashing and free
So I made up my mind I'd do something rash
To show what a 'nut' I could be.

Chorus: So I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
Now when I leave my hotel
Everyone follows me, dogs as well
If a girl gives to me the glad eye
I smile and I say, 'Diddle diddle'
And I've smoked some brown paper without being ill
Since I parted my hair in the middle.


When I've got my fighting blood up
I'd make a blancmange shake with fear
One evening two navvies I saw in a fight
There was murder about, it was clear
One jumped on the other one's chest
Then somebody cried, 'Look at that
They're killing each other, do part them at once'
So I flung off my coat and my hat.

Chorus: And I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
Some one cried, “To stop this fight
You are the fellow.” I murmured “Right.”
Then I went up to those burly brutes
And cried, “Stop” but they said, “Fiddle diddle.”
Then, as I stepped between them one picked up a brick
And he parted my hair in the middle.


Our bedroom one night caught fire
The flames were all round me in bed
I thought to myself, 'Here's the chance of my life'
To show them how I keep my head
I got up and first had a wash
Then shaved, and without any rush
I put a clean collar on, then tied my tie
Then picked up the comb and the brush.

Chorus: And I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
Then quite calmly I strolled out
People all cheered me and gave me a shout
I murmured, 'There's presence of mind'
But my wife said, 'Oh fiddle de diddle
Why, you've still got your nightie on'
I said, I know, but I've parted my hair in the middle.'


Last night with a girl in the Strand
I had an appointment, and so
As I'm just a little bit spoony on her
In my Sunday best clothes I did go
I got her a nice bunch of flowers
From a dustbin just down a back street
Then I stood in front of the looking glass there
And to make my appearance complete.

Chorus: I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
Then I noticed out tomcat
Washing his face on the front door mat
He carefully curled his moustache
And his left eye at me he did twiddle
Then I knew he had got an appointment as well
'Cos he parted his hair in the middle.


When I went out sailing abroad
As we passed the Cape of Good Hope
Some real dirty weather we struck all at once
I'd have washed it but I had no soap
The lightening it flashed overhead
On deck everybody did swarm
The thunder it rolled and the hurricanes blew
In fact, I've not seen such a storm.

Chorus: Since I parted my hair in the middle
In the middle, in the middle
All at once the captain cried
'Ship's turning over upon one side'
He shouted, 'She's springing a leak'
I said, 'Springing a leak fiddle diddle
The reason she's leaning on one side is this
I've not parted my hair in the middle.
 
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Written and composed by Worton David & C.W. Murphy - 1913
Performed by George Formby Senior (1877-1921)
 
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