I SHALL BE A BAD LAD, 'LIZA ANN!
 
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Since I've been an anarchist, sad to relate,
My missis has turned very strange;
For when I said, 'I'm ordered to kill the Czar, dead."
She answered, "You do... and I'll put you to bed."
But like Doctor Bodie, I just flash my eye,
And my finger and thumb she's beneath.
Today she was mopping the oil-cloth with me,
So I muttered while grinding my teeth,

Chorus: "I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann,
I shall get in a terrible rage.
I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann,
And I'll stop tuppence out of my wage.
I didn't complain when the poker you got,
And brought it down 'biff' on my little bald spot;
But do it again when the blam-ed thing's hot
And I'll be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann."

My gay double life caused my fortune to fly,
And left 'Liza and me on the rocks;
But at last we've found something, our time to engage,
I've gone on the Parish, she's gone on the stage!
For the Queen of the Ballet I wait up each night,
For she sometimes comes home, does my pet;
But last Friday morn she arrived shoulder high,
So I hissed out this horrible threat,

Chorus: "I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann,
If I have to bend down and be whipped.
I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann,
And you know what I am when I'm slipped.
I don't mind you having a cargo on deck,
And I freely forgive you for looking a wreck,
But next time you come home with your boots round your neck
I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann!"

I dashed up to London a fortnight ago.
And the missis, she dashed up as well.
And it might be the change, and it might be the air,
But there's no doubt I felt very kittenish there.
I can tell when I'm going to have an attack,
And I thought I'd warn 'Liza somehow,
So I waited until Leicester Square we had reached,
Then I nudged her and whispered, "BOW-WOW!

Chorus: "I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann,
If you don't take me home like a shot.
I shall be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann,
And my copy-book I'm sure to blot.
A young lady just winked at me in the Strand,
And the shock's so upset me I scarcely can stand,"
So I said to the missis, "Stick tight to my hand,
Or I'll be a bad lad, 'Liza Ann!"

 
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Written and composed by C.W. Murphy - 1910
Performed by Jack Pleasants (1874-1924)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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