I SHALL GET IN A ROW WHEN MARTHA KNOWS
 
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My Missis rules me with a rod of iron
She thinks that I'm a timid little mouse
So when I drew my wages at the factory today
I dashed straight off into a public house
I thought I'll show her now; I'll not be humbugged
I'll be a man as near as I can be
And if you knew the money that I've squandered you'd be shocked
But now I've been and spent it I can see.

Chorus: I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
Martha knows, Martha knows
I can't think what she will say to me
When she finds that I've been on the spree
I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
I feel it coming on, some how
When she counts up all my wages
And she finds I'm three pence short
Ee, I shall get in a row.


You wouldn't think my wife was very jealous
You wouldn't think so when you look at me
The other day I went round to a circus with a friend
We went behind the scenes the fun to see
We had a jolly time with all the freaks there
The tattoo'd girl gave me the goo-goo eye
I stood a glass of port wine for the lady with two necks
But mum's the word because I'll tell you why.

Chorus: I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
Martha knows, Martha knows
I know there'll be such an awful scene
When they tell her what a 'nut' I've been
I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
I feel it coming on, some how
If she gets to know the Bearded
Lady said I was a flirt
Ee, I shall get in a row.


I'm very fond of children, so was Mother
She must have been to think of rearing me
One morning in the park I saw a nursemaid on a seat
She had a little baby on her knee
I murmured 'catchy, catchy! Oochy coochy.'
Then on my lap the little child she lay
It had some bread and treacle in it's little baby hand
And I'd my Sunday clothes on, I might say.

Chorus: I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
Martha knows, Martha knows
I can't think what she will say to me
When she hears I took it on my knee
I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
I feel it coming on, some how
If she knows that little baby
Looked at me and said 'Papa'
Ee, I shall get in a row.


In Scotland on the moors I went out shooting
I nearly shot a worm but sad to say
The gun exploded backwards and it knocked my eye clean out
They took me to the Doctor's straight away
The Doctor said, 'I'll put you in a cat's eye
You'll never know that anything's amiss'
So now I've got a real eye and a cat's eye, it's a fact
But what upsets me most of all is this.

Chorus: I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
Martha knows, Martha knows
I don't know what game she'll think I'm at
When she finds I'm half a pussycat
I shall get in such a row when Martha knows
I feel it coming on, some how
If she finds me getting up
At night and hunting round for mice
Ee, I shall get in a row!
 
PDF Sheet Music
 
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Written and composed by C.W. Murphy & Worton David - 1913
Performed by Jack Pleasants (1874-1924)
 
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