I SHALL SLEEP WELL TONIGHT
 
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Now, I'm a young fellow who thinks it far best
To take things in time, and so
One morning, as I felt decidedly queer
I thought to the doctor's I'd go
He felt my purse, I beg pardon, my pulse
No sleep for a fortnight I'd had
He looked at my tongue, and he murmured
'No hope, young fellow, you're awfully bad'

Chorus: You'd better go straight back to bed
You've been worrying, that's what it is
I can see by your face you are easily led
And habits like that would turn anyone's head
Your heart and your brains have both disappeared
You've been tying your garters too tight
Take this physic tomorrow, if you're still alive.'
I said, 'Thanks, I shall sleep well tonight.


I was out of work once, so a pal said to me
'There's a job for the man that applies
At an anarchist's house, just to sleep there at nights
With good prospects of getting a rise.'
I stayed there for months till the p'lice made a raid
One night, as they'd come to stay
The boss said to me, 'I shall blow up the house
So to keep their suspicions away,

Chorus: You'd better go straight back to bed
Be as careful as careful can be
Don't oversleep, though, whatever you do
For the bomb's set to go off exactly at two
It's under your bed, so I think you're quite safe
But for goodness sake, don't strike a light
To find out the time, feel the hands on your watch.'
I said, 'Thanks, I shall sleep well tonight.


I was never a sailor, but some time ago
I went for a sail on the sea
We hadn't seen land for a fortnight or more
When we struck on a rock, deary me
It was blowing a gale, and the boats had all gone
The crew seemed resigned to their fate
So I asked the captain the best thing to do
Said he 'It's getting quite late,

Chorus: You'd better go straight back to bed
The sea's just as rough as can be
The pumps are all broken to pieces, I'm told
And there's ten feet of water as yet in the hold
You'd better get all the rest that you can
You'll need it before the daylight
There's a thousand mile swim staring you in the face.'
I said, Thanks, I shall sleep well tonight.'
 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
 
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