I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING THE MATTER
 
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In case anybody should make eyes at me
And want to catch me in the net, don't you see
'Twill save any T.R.O.U.B.L.E if I tell you I've been caught
I have married a fearful man,
I'm sorry that I'm his wife
Last night he came home sober
For the first time in his life.

Chorus: I thought there was something the matter
So friendly he started to chatter
He called me his own little gooseberry tart
I tell you it gave me a regular start
He gave me a kiss and said, 'Bless yer old heart.'
Why, I thought there was something the matter.


The people up stairs are a terrible lot
You wouldn't believe what a trouble I've got
To tell them who's who, and when's when, and what's what
For they're fighting all day long
Once they made such a fearful row,
I went up to turn them out
When I got in the room I said,
'Now what's all this noise about?

Chorus: I thought there was something the matter.'
Said she, 'He's as mad as a hatter
He's blacked both my eyes, he won't leave me alone
And out of the window the baby he's thrown.'
I said, 'Why, I wouldn't have come if I'd known
But I thought there was something the matter.'


We've got in our little front room at the back
A very nice lodger - we've christened him Jack
Last Sunday he said he would just like a snack
From our usual Sunday joint
It was served up with greens and 'spuds'
And beautiful Yorkshire 'duff'
He complained of the 'Yorkshire'
And he said, 'I've had quite enough.'

Chorus: I thought there was something the matter
Said I, 'What is wrong with the batter?'
He said, 'Well, I think I have reason to call
There's cinders in it and the kid's rubber ball
And here's a blackbeetle.' I said, 'Is that all?
Why, I thought there was something the matter.'


One evening I saw a large crowd in the street
And someone was fetching a 'slop' off his beat
I thought some poor fellow's succumbed to the heat
Or a horse has fallen down
I enquired of a man close by
Said I, 'What is wrong, d'yer know?'
He said, 'Well, it's all over now,
'Twas nothing much.' I said, 'Oh.'

Chorus: I thought there was something the matter
It seemed such a terrible clatter.'
Said he, 'No - some roughs have been having a fight
It's all over now - you're too late for the sight
There's only three killed.' I said, 'Oh, that's all right,
Why, I thought there was something the matter.'
 
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Written and composed by F. Leo - 1901
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
 
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