I WANT MY MONEY BACK
 
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One night at a Music Hall a little boy of ten
Who'd just got his salary, went up in the gallery
Heard the saucy Serios and singers great and small
But the living pictures, they did not come on at all
To the pay box off he ran and shouted to the ticket man,

Chorus: 'I want my money back, this won't suit me
I want my money back, and very speedilee
I didn't come to see the pros. I came to see the tarbeloes
Where the donah's don't wear clothes, I want my money back.'


Muggins met his future wife, when strolling by the sea
They were wed in 'leafy June', went upon the honeymoon
Thought to have a happy time, but oh, it made him swear
When he found that Matilda was as false as she was fair
To the clergyman next day, he rushed - and shouted - 'Here I say

Chorus: 'I want my money back, this won't suit me
I want my money back, and very speedilee
You've fairly taken me down a peg
My wife's as bald as any egg
I didn't marry a wooden leg
I want my my money back.'


Poor Maria starved to save her cash - and bought a bike
Donned a pair of what's-er-names,
Looked forward to some scorching games
But that very afternoon, she hadn't been out long
When the blessed tyres collapsed, the bicycle went wrong
She took it to the maker's place and murmured with a tearful face

Chorus: 'I want my money back, this won't suit me
I want my money back, and very speedilee
D'you call this bicycle a flier?
I'd sooner have one out on hire
I-I-Ive got a p-p-puncture in my t-t-t-tyre
I want my money back.'


Robinson had had a wife for very near a year
Wanted, just to crown his joy, little girl or little boy
One day, Mrs Nursey came upon the scene
Showed to him a bundle, and cried, 'God save the Queen'
Then to the doctor off he fled
And in an awful rage he said,

Chorus: 'I want my money back, this won't suit me
I want my money back, and very speedilee
Look here now, Mr Doctor Binns
I'd pull your nose for just two pins
Here! I didn't order twins
I want my money back.'
 
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Performed by Fannie Leslie (1858-1935)
 
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