I WANTED A WIFE
 
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Percy Brown at his club one night
Gave all his pals an awful fright.
'Look here boys,' said Percy Brown.
'I've thought of settling down in town.
So advertised for a charming wife
To keep me company,
As lately I've been feeling just as lonely as could be.'
'How did you get on Percy boy?'
They all said with a wink.
'Did you get many replies all in?'
Said Percy: 'What do you think?'

Chorus: 'I wanted a wife, To love me all me life.
So thought I'd advertise
For two blue beautiful eyes.
The next day Hip Hooray
Came tumbling up the stairs
Two hundred married men
Who wanted to give me theirs?'

Percy said, when he saw that lot
'I felt as if I had been shot.'
One upon his knees said 'Please take mine
I'm glad to get rid of her.'
Another one shouted 'The one I've got
Is quite a lovely belle.
To save you trouble you can have
The fourteen kids as well.'
Then some little important chap
Who seemed to know his biz
Offered me fifty pounds if I
Would run away with his.

Chorus: 'I wanted a wife, To love me all me life.
So thought I'd advertise
For two blue beautiful eyes.
The next day Hip hooray
Came tumbling up the stairs
Two hundred married men
Who wanted to give me theirs?'

 
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Performed by Mark Sheridan (1867-1918)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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