I'D LIKE TO GO HALVES IN THAT
 
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Little Jack Horner sat in the corner, eating his Christmas pie
Somebody said, 'Oh my, Look at his Christmas pie.'
Folks don't seem to worry themselves to find the reason why
Little Jack Horner went in the corner to eat his Christmas pie
But p'r'aps you'd be surprised to hear that his little sister Flo
When she found him eating his pie, she said to him, 'What Oh,

Chorus: 'I'd like to go halves in that, I'd like to go halves in that.'
But just then mother came in, you see,
And laid poor Johnny across her knee
For he had stolen the pie, he thought that one she'd not miss
As she wallop'd his birthday mark, he said,
'Would you like to go halves in this?'


I know a fellow who fell in love with a nice old widow he knew
And of course I knew her too, and I knew he knew I knew
He went and married her yesterday, a ridiculous thing to do
Considering what he knew I knew he knew she knew I knew
I've just been to see them, and they're as happy as can be
As I gazed about his home, I said, 'This would suit me,

Chorus: 'I'd like to go halves in this, I'd like to go halves in this.'
Just then somebody began to jaw
He told me that was his mother-in -law
She called him different fancy names, he trembled at the knees
And when fouteen kids came in, he said,
'Would you like to go halves in these?'


I know a fellow who made a boast he'd pinch whatever he could
He'd pinch whatever he could, whatever he could he would
If he wanted to pinch, he never would wonder if he shouild
For he has told me several times he'd pinch whatever he could
One night he pinched a watch and chain from an old chap in the Strand
I remember I said to him, as he held it in his hand,

Chorus: 'I'd like to go halves in that, I'd like to go halves in that.
A slop said, 'That's a very good trick.'
And toddled him off to the station quick
I went up to see him tried, 'twas a chance I wouldn't miss
When they gave him three years, he said to me
'Would you like to go halves in this?'


I know a fellow who saved his oof, and bought a pony and trap
A lovely pony and trap, a splendid pony and trap
Everybody was gone on his lovely pony and trap
And when I saw it, I said, 'My word, what a beautiful pony and trap.'
He thought he would like to take his missis and kids out for the day
I was jealolus of his turn-out, and so I chanced to say,

Chorus: 'I'd like to go halves in that, I'd like to go halves in that.'
The pony started to dance about,
And threw his old woman and youngsters out
He went bump on the cranium, and the road he had to kiss
As they took him away on a stretcher, he said,
'Would you like to go halves in this?'
 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo
Performed by Wilkie Bard (1874-1944)
 
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