THE IDEA!
 
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I may not be Apollo, but when I adorn the street
Plebean folk I know belong unto the great elite
One day while cracking jokes with one whom I thought awfully smart
He murmured, 'Come with me, old chap, and have dinner a la carte.'

Chorus: The idea - the idea,
I said to him with quite a haughty sneer
'How old fashioned, sir, you are, a la carte I always bar
I dine a la motor-car - the idea!


We had a pretty handmaid once, in sooth a comely wench
And when the wife out shopping went our thirst we used to quench
One night t'was dark when I got home, I kissed the pretty girl
But when they lit the parlour gas I found t'was my old girl.

Chorus: The Idea - the idea
My wife was so surprised, it made her queer
And it caused a lot of strife, for the servant, on my life
Is quite jealous of my wife - the idea!


Once I was busy out of work - but hearing of a berth
With Lord Filletbeef I went to show what I was worth
He soon told me that he required a footman, on my life
To dumbly sit with folded arms and ride beside his wife.

Chorus: The idea - the idea
I didn't take the job on, never fear
Fancy sitting like a snail, with that pretty young female
Without telling her the tale - the idea!


While staying at my country seat the girls proposed, for fun
That 'living pictures' we should try - objections there were none
But when they mentioned subjects - well - a blush suffused my cheek
They cried, 'Let's have the 'Garden of Eden'' I replied, 'Next week.'

Chorus: The idea - the idea
I really can't take part in that, 'tis clear
I'm no serpent, goodness knows, and for Eve I couldn't pose
Fancy me in Adam's clothes - the idea!
 
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Performed by George Robey (1869-1954)
 
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