IF I WAS KING OF ENGLAND
 
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A Pal of mine said yusstoday, 'You wouldn't last a week
If you were King of England, mate,' well, I like 'is bloomin' cheek
If I was King of England and my old gal was Queen
I'd 'ave a lovely palace built somewhere down Befnal Green
On washing days, to help the Queen, a slavey I would keep
Also a nurse to coax the brats, to let his royalty sleep
Once every year we all would go to South End for the day
The Queen would paddle with the kids, the King would smoke his clay
To all my familee I'd show my generosity
Though most of 'em are doing time, well, I'd 'ave 'em all set free

Chorus: If I was King of England, perhaps I'd find it strange, you see
It might be a bit of a change for me
As I'm a navvy's foreman, 'twould be a risky thing
I'd lose my job (worth thirty bob) if I was England's king.


If I was King of England, I'd wear the royal crest
Likewise the royal monygram, all tattooed on my chest
Jim, my eldest son, o' course, the Prince of Wales would be
If to a dog-fight i should go - well, he'd deputise for me
My daughter (Liz) would princess be, and have all idle days
That means she'd have to chuck the work she does at Bryant and May's
Andon my coronation day I'd polish up my crown
And paint the coronation chair with gold paint where it's brown
I'd 'ave the 'ouse of Parliament removed to 'Ackney Road
And Marconi's telegraph fixed on to my abode

Chorus:

If I was King of England, each day my boots I'd shine
And when my royal toes peep through they'd go to pals of mine
I'd even put white collars on, and wear embroidered socks
And with the finest blend of shag I'd fill my baccy box
I'd 'ave a sheep's 'ead every day, a pudden every week
And when a royal birthday comes round, I'd buy a bullock's cheek
Each arternoon the King would 'ave a bloater for 'is tea
'Twould 'ave to be a 'ard-roed un, to please his majesty
Each time the Queen 'eld drawing-rooms I'd regulate the crowd
And then I'd stick a notice up, 'Bad language ain't allowed.'

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by Jay Bee & George Le Brunn
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
 
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