IF I'D A BLOOMIN' THRONE TO CALL MY OWN
 
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I met a Donah strollin' aht in Kentish Town,
She was fair - with golden 'air
I suffered like a martyr at the 'ands of Kitty Carter
For 'er smile was just a snare.
She'd a pair of eyes wot, when they fairly fixed yer
Sort of mesmerised yer on the spot,
They just turned yer inside aht and kind of mixed yer
Till yer fancied you was goin' off yer 'Dot'.

Refrain: I knowed I'd met my fate
I give in at once ter Kate,
Sez I 'You're just Abaht the nicest girl I've seen,
if I'd a bloomin' throne ter call my own
I 'd orfer 'arf of it to you my queen'.

Every evening as the clock was striking eight,
I met 'er - an' she met me.
I didn't keep 'er waitin', tain't good form when one goes matin
In the best societee.
She'd be mine today, but 'tain't no use bewailin',
She'd given me warnin' once or twice.
If unppunctuality should prove my failin'
She would never 'ave me, not at any price.

Refrain: So - I just whispered, 'Kate
D'yer think as I could be late
When orf ter meet the nicest girl I've ever seen
If I'd a bloomin' throne ter call my own
I 'd orfer 'arf of it to you my queen'.

We'd been walkin' abaht a week or ywo or more
When a pal – as knows my gal
Sez, 'A turn I'd like to do yer,
Would a watch be useful to yer?
Ere, take mine, made in Pall Mall!'
Like a mug, sez I, 'You're very noble-hearted.'
'Eighteen carat,' sez he. But it was DUD.
And I stood the blighter drinks before we parted
For a-nippin' 'opes of Kitty in the bud.

Refrain: Course – I, next night, was late.
So 'e toddled orf with Kate
Remarkin', 'You're the nicest girl I've ever seen
If I'd a bloomin' throne ter call my own,
I 'd orfer 'arf of it to you my queen'.

 
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Written and composed by Albert Chevalier and George A. Stephens
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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