IF THAT AIN'T LIFE, WOT IS?
 
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Lor. lumme, wen I finks abart the flappers up in tahn
Wot works in shops and orfices, and travels up and dahn
In buses, trams, and railway toobs, as crowded as can be
And 'as to go to corfee-shops for dinner and for tea
And then compares their lot wiv me, as works out in the air
Aside a bloomin' pavement stall, wivout a thort or care
A flower gal by profession, I earns my smokes and drinks
I does just wot I likes, and sez just wot I finks.
If that ain't life, wot is?

I've got a bloke whose name is Alf - not the one who lost the button
Who's got a stall, 'longside of mine, and sells beef, pork and mutton
'E isn't much to look at, and at love he may be slow
And I don't say Ronald Coleman don't know fings Alf ought to know
But, we're together all day long, and, oh those lovely hours
When no one wants to see or buy our chops and steaks and flowers
And twice a week I dresses up and powders up my nose
And me and Alf go off in style to see the talkie shows.
If that ain't life, wot is?

In Summertime at evenin' we wanders in the park
And stands a-listening to the band, that's abart my Alfie's mark
No sittin' on a tupp'ny seat, - 'e don't spend much on me
A reglar little scout 'e is, for spottin' shows wot's free
But best and cheapest of 'is stunts, the one I alwus like
Is wen we goes off on the tramp, does wot they calls a 'ike
We rambles in the country, and at night we 'omeward trips
And ends a reely perfick day wiv 'ot fried fish and chips.
If that ain't life, wot is?

We used to go on Sundays to spend a 'appy day
To 'Ampstead or the Welsh'Arp, which is out 'Endon way
But my Alf, who's a lucky bloke, won first prize in a Sweep
And wiv 'is winnins bought a little motor very cheap
So now we spends our Sundays at Southend by the Sea
We does the Pier and Kursaal, 'as winkles for our tea
And drivin' 'ome at evenin' in our little 'Austin' Seven
We gets the feelin' that we've 'ad a little bit of 'eaven.
If that ain't life, wot is?

 
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Performed by Vesta Victoria (1874-1951)
 
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